You are more than the damage done to you
The real shame belongs to the ones who caused the harm—not to you
"We talk a lot about scars and baggage—what if we started talking about stains?"
There’s this idea I keep circling around: trauma isn’t just a scar you carry on your body or mind. It’s more like a stain.
Sometimes you can treat it right away—dab it, rinse it out, lighten the mark before it sets in. Sometimes you overcorrect—scrub so hard you end up damaging the fabric itself. And sometimes the stain sets in, deep and permanent. You can try to hide it, cover it up, or even convince yourself it’s no longer there, but you know the threads are altered. The truly creative paint around it, embroider threads to alter the stain into art.
"No one gets through this life in white linen."
But here’s where it gets tricky. We treat every stain like proof of failure. As if a life well-lived should stay crisp and spotless, untouched by hardship.
This mindset is brutal. Because the truth is: life will spill on you. You will get stained. Everyone does. And by clinging to the fantasy of pristine, unsullied lives, we teach people to hide their pain. We shame them for bleeding, instead of holding accountable those who fired the shots.
"Until we hold the villains accountable, victims will always be shamed—and shame blocks healing."
I think about how often we’re told not to speak about trauma until we’ve “healed.”
Until we’ve packaged it into a neat, tidy, socially acceptable redemption story.
Until it no longer threatens anyone else’s comfort.
But how are we supposed to learn from each other—how are we supposed to build a culture of mutual care and resilience—if we all pretend we were never hurt? If we stay silent while the stains set deeper?
Real healing needs sunlight. Stains fade when exposed, not when buried. And sometimes, the stain becomes part of the tapestry—a reminder that survival itself is a kind of art.
"We need to stop expecting people to hide their stains to deserve compassion."
Today’s Assignment
Notice where stain-avoidance thinking is shaping how you view yourself—or others.
Where have you internalized the idea that certain stains make someone less worthy, less lovable, less whole?
Where do you hesitate to speak your truth because you fear being seen as “damaged”?
This week, try speaking about one stain—large or small—with honesty, even if it’s just to yourself or someone safe.
Because we’ve all been spilled on. We’ve all been stained. The sooner we stop pretending otherwise, the freer we’ll be to actually heal.
~AK